Jumping In

I’m a wait-and-see kind of gal. I always have been. I sit downstream and wait to see what floats my way, see if I can snag it in my net. I’ve always thought that’s the way it should be, if it were meant to be, it would come my way.

I watched with jealousy as others hopped into the river and swam their way upstream, reaching for the things they wanted. I wondered if maybe that wasn’t an okay way to do things—but what if I wanted the wrong things? What if I wasted my time going after things I was never meant to have?

So I have sat, in the mud, waiting for things to come to me. And you know what? It has been an awful lot of waiting. Some of the things, I’m glad I didn’t go after.

I had a lot of time to myself, by myself, discovering myself. I have solidly built my sense of self, not relying on the things I went after to define me.

But I’ve also noticed that the things I wanted, others were getting. Because they were pursuing what they desired. And I have struggled for a long time, being afraid to go after what I wanted, being afraid of failing to get what I wanted, and – I think this is the biggest- being afraid of actually getting what I want.

I’ve seen a change in myself, recently. I’m no more sure of the things that I want, but I am more willing to pursue them. It’s scary and exciting at the same time, which a lot of real life things are.

So finally in my life, I’m willing to not only get my feet wet, but to jump in (have I worn out the river metaphor yet?)!

Any ideas/comments/encouragement/advice on jumping in would be much appreciated!

-Abbi

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2 thoughts on “Jumping In

  1. ok. i am new to this. my first advise always is pray before jumping in. if you feel uneasy, wait. ask yourself is the fear from me, or is God making me uneasy? If it is a moral issue, God sets the standards. if not, jump in carefully. i would suggest you not jump in in a bikini.- love-mom

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