I’m a wait-and-see kind of gal. I always have been. I sit downstream and wait to see what floats my way, see if I can snag it in my net. I’ve always thought that’s the way it should be, if it were meant to be, it would come my way.
I watched with jealousy as others hopped into the river and swam their way upstream, reaching for the things they wanted. I wondered if maybe that wasn’t an okay way to do things—but what if I wanted the wrong things? What if I wasted my time going after things I was never meant to have?
So I have sat, in the mud, waiting for things to come to me. And you know what? It has been an awful lot of waiting. Some of the things, I’m glad I didn’t go after.
I had a lot of time to myself, by myself, discovering myself. I have solidly built my sense of self, not relying on the things I went after to define me.
But I’ve also noticed that the things I wanted, others were getting. Because they were pursuing what they desired. And I have struggled for a long time, being afraid to go after what I wanted, being afraid of failing to get what I wanted, and – I think this is the biggest- being afraid of actually getting what I want.
I’ve seen a change in myself, recently. I’m no more sure of the things that I want, but I am more willing to pursue them. It’s scary and exciting at the same time, which a lot of real life things are.
So finally in my life, I’m willing to not only get my feet wet, but to jump in (have I worn out the river metaphor yet?)!
Any ideas/comments/encouragement/advice on jumping in would be much appreciated!