Thoughts on caffeine

I have been a coffee drinker for a very long time. I actually remember my very first sip of coffee at the ripe old age of 5. My dad, a big coffee drinker, let me have a sip before I went to my afternoon kindergarten class. I remember thinking the smell was wonderful, but the taste lingered in my mouth all day and I was not a fan.

Into my teen years, Starbucks began to have a small role in my life. I lived in a tiny town, so we didn’t have a store nearby, but I remember very early on getting into lattes with friends.

My freshman year of college, I began working at a coffee shop. I’ve worked in several since then, but it wasn’t until my junior year of college with 8 am classes with Dr. Vincent on Literary Criticism (difficult to sit through at any time of day) that I began drinking coffee in earnest.

Since then, I’ve had a least one (very large) mug of coffee a day, usually being sipped on the drive to work. It has been a part of my morning ritual that I love.

But recently, I had a virus that put me in bed for about 6 days. Since I was home and taking plenty of naps, I didn’t drink coffee for 3 of those days. Essentially I compounded my sicky headache with my caffeine withdraw headache, and managed to go more days in a row without coffee than I have probably since college.

The first day back to work, I drank my normal amount of coffee, and was jittery and amped all day long, something coffee hasn’t done for me in a long time.  After drinking it at 6:30 in the morning, I still couldn’t fall asleep at 10 pm!

So the following day, I decided to cut back a bit. Then I ran out of coffee at home. A turning point had come without me realizing it. So this week, I’ve gone a few days without coffee completely, which was a lot rougher than I anticipated. I’ve recently bought more coffee, but this time, it’s a half-caf blend. So far so good today!

It’s crazy how much caffeine can have a hold on me, dictating completely how my day goes, if I get a headache, if I have extra energy to accomplish things. Without it, my brain felt fuzzy– trying to get things done at work felt like swimming through mud.

So going with less caffeine seems to be the better option for me, to get more control over what seems like a harmless addiction. I did recently read a blog about matcha— that may be my option as I go forward (Why didn’t matcha cross my mind before?! That stuff is great!).

Anyways, coffee and caffeine have been on my thoughts quite often this week, obviously, so I thought I’d share where I’m at- an accidental cleanse!

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Currently

  • Drinking Tazo’s Orange Tea like it’s my job.
  • Reading Mind’s Eye by Hakan Nesser (Because Lord knows I love a good Nordic detective novel. I blame Stieg Larsson)
  • Patting myself on the back for remembering birthdays this month (if I’ve forgotten yours- so sorry! But I did a good job with everyone else’s!)
  • Dreaming of napping
  • Thankful for DayQuil
  • Wondering if we have the technology to send people to outer space– why is a little ole’ virus wrecking my life right now?!

 

What are you all up to?

Snowy Days

Another snowy, grey day in Indiana. We have our share, though to be fair– This winter hasn’t been nearly as bad as the last!

Despite the comparatively-warm winter weather, I need some pictures of warmer, lovelier days to cheer me up. What about you?

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All were taken at the Indianapolis Museum of Arts, around the grounds and in their amazing greenhouse. That place is one of my favorites in the whole city– go when the weather is warmer!

Jumping In

I’m a wait-and-see kind of gal. I always have been. I sit downstream and wait to see what floats my way, see if I can snag it in my net. I’ve always thought that’s the way it should be, if it were meant to be, it would come my way.

I watched with jealousy as others hopped into the river and swam their way upstream, reaching for the things they wanted. I wondered if maybe that wasn’t an okay way to do things—but what if I wanted the wrong things? What if I wasted my time going after things I was never meant to have?

So I have sat, in the mud, waiting for things to come to me. And you know what? It has been an awful lot of waiting. Some of the things, I’m glad I didn’t go after.

I had a lot of time to myself, by myself, discovering myself. I have solidly built my sense of self, not relying on the things I went after to define me.

But I’ve also noticed that the things I wanted, others were getting. Because they were pursuing what they desired. And I have struggled for a long time, being afraid to go after what I wanted, being afraid of failing to get what I wanted, and – I think this is the biggest- being afraid of actually getting what I want.

I’ve seen a change in myself, recently. I’m no more sure of the things that I want, but I am more willing to pursue them. It’s scary and exciting at the same time, which a lot of real life things are.

So finally in my life, I’m willing to not only get my feet wet, but to jump in (have I worn out the river metaphor yet?)!

Any ideas/comments/encouragement/advice on jumping in would be much appreciated!

-Abbi